Britty Leigh

You dont care a bit

I often sit by myself and listen to my itunes on DJ mode. This night being one such moment, Imogen Heap, Hide and Seek came on. Now, I know that this song is probably their most commercialized song and one that most people have heard before, regardless of their musical knowledge or lack thereof. Regardless, it cannot be denied that it is a beautiful song. Have you ever really listened to it though? Have you let it move you? There is such an immense level of passion, emotion, and intensity that lies within it. In fact, I put the song on repeat and found myself particularly drawn to the very end of the song, where the line “you don’t care a bit” is echoed again and again. I think this is where I really feel the tug on my heart.

If you know me, you know that I am generally an overly optimistic person. I give the benefit of the doubt and forgiveness to those who often don’t deserve it, but I feel as though life is too short to harbor hatred, after all, bitterness is more harmful for the person who holds it than the person who it is intended for.

That being said, I want to clarify that my optimism is not to be mistaken for naivety. One of my greatest weaknesses is my overly analytical nature. I look far too deep into things and always believe there to be an underlying meaning to every action and every word. This could be due largely in part to my academic background majoring in psychology or it could be a personal character flaw, regardless of its origin, it is what it is, and it is within me.

Back to the song, and the line “you don’t care a bit, you don’t care a bit”. Truthfully, this line pissed me off. I think this is the beauty of music. If it resonates within you and connects to you it has the power to evoke a multitude of emotions. In this current moment, it pissed me off.

Relationships involve two people. At one point both people were in. Now here’s the thing. Every relationship ends in one of two ways, you either stay together (i.e. marriage) or you break up, the end. I am a dater, I love dating. You are able to test the waters, see what you like/don’t like, what you will/will not put up with, and measure compatibility. I feel as though dating is detrimental to growing up and also figuring yourself out. Being that I am pro-dating, I am very much about calling it quits when it is not what you are looking for.

I am a communicator. I have no problem telling someone “look, this is not going to work” simply because I don’t want anyone wasting my time, thus, I will not waste theirs. Moreover, I don’t ever want to play with a persons emotions or lead them believe that I am in it when I am not. End it before it gets deeper, that is my mentality.

What I will never do is disappear. “You don’t care a bit, you don’t care a bit”. If you can leave without closing the book, all you are saying is that you never cared about the other person and their emotions, ever. You decided that you weren’t in it and left for your own sake, with absolutely zero respect for the other person.

I can handle a break up. I have been in love 3 times. I have experienced heartbreak and I will experience it again. What I can’t handle is being in limbo. Sitting and wondering “what the hell HAPPENED?” with absolutely no resolve. In order to start a new chapter, one must finish the one which goes before, we all need closure.