Britty Leigh

Australia Blog no.1 (better late than never)

Well well well, it would appear that the ocean and sunshine have been more of a deference to my blogging than a facilitator. I thought that I would blog everything about Australia on an almost daily basis but, well, you see that I was clearly wrong. I really don’t even know where to start.

I left home August 30^th at about noon. My mom, Emma, me, and my bags all squeezed into my moms pick-up and made our way to the airport. Saying that goodbye was difficult to do would be an understatement. In fact, we tried once, decided we weren’t ready, went to get food, and said goodbye again. If you know me, then you can understand how hard it was to say goodbye to them, the two people who know and love me more than anyone in this world ever has and likely ever will. Although, as my brother so wisely put it, “I mean, you’re gone for what, 4 months? Its not like your leaving for Iraq”, thank you Jeff, for putting it into perspective.

Yes, I am only here for a semester, even so, I have never missed anyone so much, and it hasn’t even been a month yet.

The flight was long, but it was bearable, and we landed in Sydney, where we spent the first, um, 5 days… I think?

I LOVE SYDNEY. The end. Honestly, if I was going to come back here to study or live for any extended period of time Sydney is where I would do it.

Sydney is like a cross breed of London and New York with nicer people. I love the city, always have, always will, so Sydney was totally my element. The architecture, the history, the artistic vibe, the buzz, it was brilliant. We are planning on going back there for a weekend, well, lets be honest, we are planning on going there for the primere of the final Harry Potter movie, so we can see it on the largest IMAX screen in the world. Be jealous America, im always a day ahead of you, meaning I will be seeing  it before you do, yeah, im a brat rubbing it in like that, its whatever. Also, we are going all out, yes, we WILL be “those” people who dress up like the characters, naturally I will be Cho Chang, I mean, who else can honestly pull off an Asian person? It is what it is I suppose.

Now, on to the Gold Coast, AKA, home for 4 months.

Well, I live in a serviced apartment/hotel that is 2 blocks from the beach, it really is rough…no, not at all. Running on the beach is amazing, it really is, the tan lines from running on the beach, however, not so amazing. My University, Bond University is wonderful, although it quite possibly may be the farthest from the Bethel lifestyle that I could be. I feel like this is a good thing, for now at least. I love Bethel and I will always love it, however, I am at a place in my life where I need to stop having my hand held. I needed to get away and grow up so to speak. So I did, in fact, I think I am the farthest from home as humanly possible, I literally am on the other side of the world, and that realization makes me feel so free.

So, the Bond lifestyle, well, Australians like to have fun, a lot of it. It is really interesting to me, they are SO smart, well, most of them. Honestly, I have had some of the most deep, theological, intellectual conversations that I have ever had here. I love it because they challenge me. A lot of them disagree with the things I believe, yet they are more intrigued than defensive and they have a genuine interest in understanding WHY I believe what I believe and why I live the way I live.

What I love most is that, while they are brilliant and studying things like law and medicine, they know how to rage.

I suppose, work hard play hard right? They play hard. There is a bar on campus, yes, again, THIS IS NOT BETHEL. There is ALWAYS some sort of social function being promoted and run by the different faculties. The law students had a pub crawl and booze cruise, and there is an all you can drink semi formal put on tomorrow night by the business association, oh, you know I’m going. Semi-formal, an excuse to dress up, of course I’m going.

Well, I will write more later, but, this is a good start I think

America, I do miss you

I have about 8 friends that I miss like crazy but im not going to name them for fear that you are not one of them…whoops, but, you probably know who you are. I love you

xx

~B

You dont care a bit

I often sit by myself and listen to my itunes on DJ mode. This night being one such moment, Imogen Heap, Hide and Seek came on. Now, I know that this song is probably their most commercialized song and one that most people have heard before, regardless of their musical knowledge or lack thereof. Regardless, it cannot be denied that it is a beautiful song. Have you ever really listened to it though? Have you let it move you? There is such an immense level of passion, emotion, and intensity that lies within it. In fact, I put the song on repeat and found myself particularly drawn to the very end of the song, where the line “you don’t care a bit” is echoed again and again. I think this is where I really feel the tug on my heart.

If you know me, you know that I am generally an overly optimistic person. I give the benefit of the doubt and forgiveness to those who often don’t deserve it, but I feel as though life is too short to harbor hatred, after all, bitterness is more harmful for the person who holds it than the person who it is intended for.

That being said, I want to clarify that my optimism is not to be mistaken for naivety. One of my greatest weaknesses is my overly analytical nature. I look far too deep into things and always believe there to be an underlying meaning to every action and every word. This could be due largely in part to my academic background majoring in psychology or it could be a personal character flaw, regardless of its origin, it is what it is, and it is within me.

Back to the song, and the line “you don’t care a bit, you don’t care a bit”. Truthfully, this line pissed me off. I think this is the beauty of music. If it resonates within you and connects to you it has the power to evoke a multitude of emotions. In this current moment, it pissed me off.

Relationships involve two people. At one point both people were in. Now here’s the thing. Every relationship ends in one of two ways, you either stay together (i.e. marriage) or you break up, the end. I am a dater, I love dating. You are able to test the waters, see what you like/don’t like, what you will/will not put up with, and measure compatibility. I feel as though dating is detrimental to growing up and also figuring yourself out. Being that I am pro-dating, I am very much about calling it quits when it is not what you are looking for.

I am a communicator. I have no problem telling someone “look, this is not going to work” simply because I don’t want anyone wasting my time, thus, I will not waste theirs. Moreover, I don’t ever want to play with a persons emotions or lead them believe that I am in it when I am not. End it before it gets deeper, that is my mentality.

What I will never do is disappear. “You don’t care a bit, you don’t care a bit”. If you can leave without closing the book, all you are saying is that you never cared about the other person and their emotions, ever. You decided that you weren’t in it and left for your own sake, with absolutely zero respect for the other person.

I can handle a break up. I have been in love 3 times. I have experienced heartbreak and I will experience it again. What I can’t handle is being in limbo. Sitting and wondering “what the hell HAPPENED?” with absolutely no resolve. In order to start a new chapter, one must finish the one which goes before, we all need closure.

Why am I so quick to forgive everyone but myself?

It is as if I won’t allow myself to fail, as if I won’t accept my very human nature of imperfection. Rigid, that is the word that comes to mind. I have worked so incredibly hard to maintain this “reputation”, if you will, of a person who has it all together, a person who knows what she is doing, so much that when I decide to let it be and live by the moment for just that, a moment, I sit second guessing and regretting the actions of that moment to the point of tearing myself apart.

This past year one of the greatest areas of growth in my life has been learning to let people live their lives, in the way that they see fit, and love them in that place, regardless of how I feel a life should be lived. Live, let live, and love. So why cant I let myself live, learn from my mistakes, and love myself in the brokenness? Why do I insist on being all forgiving to everyone else yet void in any semblance of compassion for myself?

Live your life. You WILL mess up. Learn from the mess. Forgive yourself, love yourself, and let it go. Keep living.

**Coincidentally enough, my dove chocolate wrapper just read “live in the present, forgive your past”. Weird.

I have become

an introverted extrovert